Exhausted, Pissed.

Well why that? My mom is full of crap in laymen's term. So what is this all about? My study choices again, why oh why it does have to draw so much crap? Why cant I have it simple like others. Oh well, what's done is done, no use crying over spilt milk. Find the way to fix it.

It started this afternoon where I gone to find my educational consultant and asked a few important minor details. I got come to the conclusion that having cleared the dilemma that I choose taylors Melbourne. .

I choose to go to Melbourne's taylors due to numerous reasons, starting with that UNSW starts at January 19th which is early and I choose to have my visa done at January 13th as that is my 18th birthday and saves a lot of shit. Well I am a level 2 visa since I'm Indonesian so the visa should take longer to finish, roughly 4 weeks instead of the normal 1. SO, that means I cant make it in time if I make my visa at Malaysia.

However there is a way to settle this, I have a tourist visa and I can go to Australia but not study, so I can have the process of changing the visa at Sydney and getting a bridging visa. But that is a very tedious process and I don't have any supporting people if I encounter red tapes/problems in the process.

Besides that I think although they gave me extended ones, I like the taylors better as it gives me more time to absorb and re-learn the old stuff. You classmates know I'm a lazy asshat last 2 years. No motivation to study it so here is the problems at hand(but then again it is due to my mom, I'll explain later) XD.

Even though it takes me an extra 6 months I consider the process is certainly worth it as I got to brush up. Besides foundation years are tough. Even if they don't manage to use finals as everything, the average performance throughout your whole year counts and it must be on par for the undergraduate degree you choose. And that starts generally from 70%. And a lot more degrees need 80% and above with the few classic degrees(doctoring, law) at 90%. That is certainly not easy eh?

Even through UNSW gave roughly the same study method it takes shorter time, they are of the same ideals. Why go through the phrase in Sydney just for the sake of rushing? And you might end up starting back at square one if you fail. But that also presents a counter argument, same thing, why not at Sydney? Well I feel much more comfortable at Mel and I did said I hate to change what I have chosen. After all I have friends there too.

Sounds easy enough of a choice, well I have to go through my mom again and that is certainly the hard part. The real saga will come soon....And it did came tonight at about one hour ago. I tried to explain to her but at first line I've encountered problems, she is still with the mind set of hell bent to sent me to Sydney. Baaaad start, then to make it worse she don't want to listen to my reasoning. To add matters worse and rub salt into the wound, she starts going berserk and accusing me of being an immature git and don't know how to think. God, how ironic and hypocritical.

Ugh now how to save my sanity? Knowing this is a situation turned ugly, I promptly save my breathe and end the discussion. But as of always she has to whine my ass off...No way to stop it eats you brain alive like sanity sucking leeches. I told her to go to see my agent to hear it from her as we share the same views and she might be more acceptable of her. Go figure. But as always not that easy, she closed her mind off then and start her obsessive whining....My worst nightmare. EGAD. What happens next everyone knows.

Then after a large argument and words fights along with a lot of tries of shutting her up, she finally gave up and gone upstairs. Naturally my dad came down and tried to give his own advice, well that did gone well really as he is always logical. Thank god I don't have parents of the same mind set as my mom. I wonder how can my dad stand her, I already cant each time we get into an argument. Oh well the strange things in life.

Still being herself, she gone down with the offer letter from UNSW....I said I've made my decision and choose to go to Mel....Naturally she got into berserk mode again, but who cares and I have to gone through that sooner or later too.

Oh well dead end it is, choice is made, I wonder what tomorrow will bring. I don't care anymore.

Some of you might say she has the say. Well I argue that the one studying is me and I did asked her opinion as it is her money and I did considered she has a voice before. But it turns out to be shit anyway. Moreover, some might argue on the point that she wants the best for me. I don't care if she wants me to got heaven, the idea is acts does not justify intention Simple scorched example is that if you want to go to heaven and I help you by killing you.....Do you think it is justified murder? That is what I want. Bear in mind that line is from
Ptolemy.

Even so this isn't just about the studies it is about her hell bent mind set. She did even mentioned during the berserk argument that if I cant go to UNSW, go to taylors Sydney. I was like totally wtf. Aint it the same, Mel is a much better choice due to side factors like friends, supports, finance(it's cheaper).

Why things just cant go straight with her. Also remind yourself that this isn't the first time in conflict of interest and it I did happen to Trinity vs Taylors. Go figure. That is good enough reason how clounded her judgement is.

Confused, anger, upset.

Well it all started this way, I cant go into the standard foundation program's at colleges. Only extended programs.*Those programs are depending on academic results. Average results can go into stadard which takes 40 weeks, poorer students can only go into the extended which is longer and better students can go into the accelerated which takes less time to complete. Simple? Not so, life isn't so. I want to go to Melbourne to study and the first choice is Trinity. Trinity college of Melbourne University rejected me and they don't have extended program. So next choice at Melbourne is Taylors. They do give extended but no one takes it of the friends that I've got(they all have better results, pfft) and to make matters worse, it starts late and ends 19 week more! 3 months after they do. I don't want that at all it disrupts everything if I can be with on the standard program. That is going to be go through the whole 5 years... So what do I do now?

I have another choice that is to go to Sydney....Alone. Why in the world should I go though that cruel and heartless strange of being alone with the horrid feeling? It might be worth it as I will take UNSW's extended which starts 19th January and then joins up with the standard program in march so I ends up my foundation at march 2006, the same as taylors. As their foundation certificates are accepted and accredited throughout Australia, I can go back to Melbourne and enjoy the rest of my 4 years in happiness. Sounds easy? Yes it is but why do I still feel bad? Not as easy when actions is taken is it?

I am going to go through a phrase of loneliness, isolation for a few days to a few weeks. And that is the part that scares me, the feeling is horrid if you really really encountered it before. Yes you have acquaintances but what of the real connections of a real friend at hand? Takes time and what to do? Nothing you can do except to make best of the situation as in trying to butter up the connection but even then it isn't instant. Rome wasn't built in a day and so is not relationships.

But what if I stayed? Yes I wont have to go through that but I will always be slower for 3 months on end.....Do I want that? And the isolation itself in class is also part of it. Although not so bad but not what I want. I want to continue with my current friends for sentimental reasons.

Nothing is easy eh? Well there is another way that could work I could ask for a new forecast result but would the teacher give it? I've always been a lazy asshat at class for numerous reasons and I have to gone through the principal again...Definitely the hardest part. I could beg for it but strangely that is not what I expected here in my heart. Maybe it is the part of me who don't like to turn back. Pride? Habit? A bit of both.

But what caused this in the first place some may ask and that is the source of the sadness and upset. No one told me how their marks are counted and they dint include BM, EST and PM. Great....Subjects that I've concentrated in, what luck that I threw away my concentration in Biology and Chemistry. Bad choice as they take those instead.

This all could have been avoided if I knew and concentrated on chemistry instead or just that I beg for better marks :P in the forecast.

Oh well what's done is done...what to do? Ive probably suck it up and go to Sdyney, a few month's pain will be worth than the 5 years at Monash it but what do you think???