Chopstick Legs

If anyone of you know what that means good for you. But for those who is uninitiated, let me explain. As most of you know I live in Mel, and there is one dance culture named Melbourne Shuffle where you have to control your body�s reflex to make it as you are floating around. It does originate in Melbourne but is widely accepted and quite a rave in KL.

It can get very inhuman but for me I cant even do the basics right. The term chopstick legs come from the fact that I cant control my knees to make an illusion of walking in the same place and oh yes I look atrocious. Well I am still learning.

Still there is the problem stem from that I am not overly excited to the idea of shuffling (the dance�s name) like a rave god. I would like to know a little to be able to go to clubs and dance and such but I�m just not in the plan of practicing like mad each day.

The problem becomes more obvious as that I don�t have the talent so I have to train a lot and that isn�t what I look forward to at all. =/ Still after last week of going to a club, I want to at least try a little. It is good exercise and bragging rights :P

Oh yeah here is some urls for you http://www.xes.cx/mp3.htm have a download and see some of the real shuffling.

Proof Of Life

Hmm remember the last post that i talked about? That is a form of depression :) it isnt hopeless, well maybe not total get together sort of thing but im getting used to the cold shoulder if you will :P. Well not totally bad but do have some greeting.

Well the "relationship" with me and her now is okay, getting a bit more friendly but still far from 'friends' XD A few greetings here and there and had talked to her a bit 2 days ago.

Even for me that exprienced a few unwilling events beforehand, losing hope is something easy So i must say be very wary :)

Come to think of it i was being quite foolish then but you can't help it :P

Language Power

Prologue

Have you ever lost faith? Lost hope? No, lets not put it that serious but in a sense felt like an outcast? It isn�t those stories that you are a loner fishing for life living day to day hanging by a thread or that you has a life but is missing something. It is those that are one small perks of life that may just take away your sanity, no, it isn�t�but it depresses you.

But here is my little interesting perspective on life of a little focus called Language. Language as it always has been is the connection between humanity itself. Without it we cease to exist. Even animals have their body language or sign language. That is exactly what I have problem with. Communications in language.

Well lets not beat around the bushes (damn it I do that too much), I've come to Melbourne for a new phrase of life that most people will do in this modern world. I�ve haven�t started school yet but a few friends I have met. We all have groups that we attribute to in friendships. I don�t consider myself as in a very specific group but I mix well with all from nerds to the cool ones (pardon but if it is not too arrogant that is what I look at). Of course I have one that I am more attached too.

In here there is a new group but at this moment I�m taking my stand with a 3 hometown friends (although I�ve never met before, life is ironic isn�t it? But this is not the timeJ) they all have strange and different personalities but strangely we mix together well. Don�t ask another irony of lifeJ. They have a group of hongkie friends and well it finally makes sense as of why. I don�t speak Cantonese nor I can listen well at all. But why? I was rarely ever really concerned about dialects anyway. The only one time I really want to learn and even half heartedly is to communicate with my grandparents.

But a little background check, I was born in Indonesia but raised in sibu so I consider myself as much a Malaysian as the guy next to me if he is Malaysian. And I that same goes to being a sibuan. However, as a sibuan you should have a good grasp of foochow dialect but screw me, I never learn it at all. I was raised in a mandarin speaking family although my parents converse in hokkien. This is not helped by the fact that they speak mandarin program by the school so no foochow for me. By the time I wanted to learn that was 5 years ago and I can say at least it is passable although I cant confirm if it would save my skin if it were needed. :p This is added by another factor that I was never quite taken by Chinese/honkie/whatever Chinese made serials(not my type but that is also another topic). I instead turn to cartoon network with English, then to discovery channel and with all due respect that is where I have a better grasp of English than those who don�t really use it other than being taught in government school(the English is deplorable, seriously). That inevitably screws my chances with Cantonese. At that time I was glad but after ten years I finally grasp the idea of why.

However at a point if you know me close enough(no those friends that don�t know I don�t mind, what is a true friend comes from the heart not what he knows). I rarely go crazy or depressed over a language I don�t know in the likes of dialects specifically. But why now? Not then when it was groups of friend? here is the twist� it is about a girl. Oh yes ridiculous, clich� but let me explain. She is my type of girl if you�d excuse me. I don�t even know how to really explain the type I like but it is more of being innocent(strange�I like intellect people a lot), playful(but not extreme) and well fair skinned? That is what I see but I have faith that it is skin deep J her name is Karen, a hongkie that studies here for English. Well take it anyway but let me make it clear, she does not know English well or so I though as of now and she studies English from the beginning in a god damn English speaking town� how do you take that? I think that is quite a mix of insanity and bravery�adventurous too. Hey maybe she is the interllect kind after all? :P but let�s get not off topic here.

In truth I like her, maybe have an attraction, or just my lust but the prospect is that we or specifically I, cant communicate. I have tried, the first time I tried speaking in English normally for me, I think she was as much taken aback as I was with her when I found out. For her the shock maybe normal that �damn another banana boy�or something the lines of that� but for me it is a pure surprise. Of course I knew there are people like her but for someone that I am attracted to, how you would think yourself.

The bottom line is I am struggling to learn Cantonese anyway I can, so I can communicate well not just with her. Even with her friend, Fran a tomboyish hongkie that gets 6.5 IELTS she is also not too cordial with me. Maybe in the long run she is the catalyst that will change my Cantonese. It will be the better good.

You must think, what is the difference does it differ that in first impression that you speak English and their native tongue? Vastly don�t you think? If you haven�t grasped the idea that if someone that is not your own race speak your languge fluently, what would you think? Amazed? Don't deny it that you are not.

But why Karen? There are of course maybe other gals resembles her. In fact in a city like Melbourne you have to be blind not too see other attractive gals that maybe of your prospect to be a girlfriend. But this, I think it is about a girl back in sibu� I would like to say she resembles her a lot. Our relationship is an odd one. She knows I like her, yet still treats me with the utmost respect maybe as a real friend. She isn�t evil hearted (how can those gals be? Okay they can but she just can�t) at all. I never really told her outright� just once through sms which I got to say although is less stressful but very impersonal. And that just fell halfway through because of me. It was a desperate and abrupt decision in just finding someone that would love you the romantic way. And now she is in KL, I am still half dreaming of her although the fact is that I probably wont go back to Malaysia. But in the big picture it is still in the end, about having a romantic caring relationship. Ahh we have gotten off topic but lets hope that you knew a little history J

Somehow�someway just now when I went to help her get to her room after her curfew, she suddenly spoke English. Oh yes be reminded she is also a bit shy and quiet at first, still when I asked where is her friend she instantly mentioned that she is bathing with excellent English and very proper western accent. I thought she was a newbie!? Or that is at least poor like my Cantonese. Maybe there is hope.

Epilogue

In a sense I found out that hope is really a dangerous thing to lose and having faith in what it stands for is part of human�s sanity. As I found out if you have friends and family that are not cooperative can lead you to be screwed easily. Mine is a bit neutral and I was depressed over that I cant do anything at all from the moment I realized that Cantonese were the order of the day. but when the moment she spoke English just now it all changed all definitely . A stream of hope just fills you and makes you different. Totally different. What will come after this? I can only dream of better things and in the fact make it come true�.Time will tell�time will tell.

And another thing, what if they found out this little blog of mine? What would it be? I doubt it would turn out as well like last time with the sibu girl. Either way, maybe that could be the catalyst too? I know it is a dream but as have said�hope.

Exhausted, Pissed.

Well why that? My mom is full of crap in laymen's term. So what is this all about? My study choices again, why oh why it does have to draw so much crap? Why cant I have it simple like others. Oh well, what's done is done, no use crying over spilt milk. Find the way to fix it.

It started this afternoon where I gone to find my educational consultant and asked a few important minor details. I got come to the conclusion that having cleared the dilemma that I choose taylors Melbourne. .

I choose to go to Melbourne's taylors due to numerous reasons, starting with that UNSW starts at January 19th which is early and I choose to have my visa done at January 13th as that is my 18th birthday and saves a lot of shit. Well I am a level 2 visa since I'm Indonesian so the visa should take longer to finish, roughly 4 weeks instead of the normal 1. SO, that means I cant make it in time if I make my visa at Malaysia.

However there is a way to settle this, I have a tourist visa and I can go to Australia but not study, so I can have the process of changing the visa at Sydney and getting a bridging visa. But that is a very tedious process and I don't have any supporting people if I encounter red tapes/problems in the process.

Besides that I think although they gave me extended ones, I like the taylors better as it gives me more time to absorb and re-learn the old stuff. You classmates know I'm a lazy asshat last 2 years. No motivation to study it so here is the problems at hand(but then again it is due to my mom, I'll explain later) XD.

Even though it takes me an extra 6 months I consider the process is certainly worth it as I got to brush up. Besides foundation years are tough. Even if they don't manage to use finals as everything, the average performance throughout your whole year counts and it must be on par for the undergraduate degree you choose. And that starts generally from 70%. And a lot more degrees need 80% and above with the few classic degrees(doctoring, law) at 90%. That is certainly not easy eh?

Even through UNSW gave roughly the same study method it takes shorter time, they are of the same ideals. Why go through the phrase in Sydney just for the sake of rushing? And you might end up starting back at square one if you fail. But that also presents a counter argument, same thing, why not at Sydney? Well I feel much more comfortable at Mel and I did said I hate to change what I have chosen. After all I have friends there too.

Sounds easy enough of a choice, well I have to go through my mom again and that is certainly the hard part. The real saga will come soon....And it did came tonight at about one hour ago. I tried to explain to her but at first line I've encountered problems, she is still with the mind set of hell bent to sent me to Sydney. Baaaad start, then to make it worse she don't want to listen to my reasoning. To add matters worse and rub salt into the wound, she starts going berserk and accusing me of being an immature git and don't know how to think. God, how ironic and hypocritical.

Ugh now how to save my sanity? Knowing this is a situation turned ugly, I promptly save my breathe and end the discussion. But as of always she has to whine my ass off...No way to stop it eats you brain alive like sanity sucking leeches. I told her to go to see my agent to hear it from her as we share the same views and she might be more acceptable of her. Go figure. But as always not that easy, she closed her mind off then and start her obsessive whining....My worst nightmare. EGAD. What happens next everyone knows.

Then after a large argument and words fights along with a lot of tries of shutting her up, she finally gave up and gone upstairs. Naturally my dad came down and tried to give his own advice, well that did gone well really as he is always logical. Thank god I don't have parents of the same mind set as my mom. I wonder how can my dad stand her, I already cant each time we get into an argument. Oh well the strange things in life.

Still being herself, she gone down with the offer letter from UNSW....I said I've made my decision and choose to go to Mel....Naturally she got into berserk mode again, but who cares and I have to gone through that sooner or later too.

Oh well dead end it is, choice is made, I wonder what tomorrow will bring. I don't care anymore.

Some of you might say she has the say. Well I argue that the one studying is me and I did asked her opinion as it is her money and I did considered she has a voice before. But it turns out to be shit anyway. Moreover, some might argue on the point that she wants the best for me. I don't care if she wants me to got heaven, the idea is acts does not justify intention Simple scorched example is that if you want to go to heaven and I help you by killing you.....Do you think it is justified murder? That is what I want. Bear in mind that line is from
Ptolemy.

Even so this isn't just about the studies it is about her hell bent mind set. She did even mentioned during the berserk argument that if I cant go to UNSW, go to taylors Sydney. I was like totally wtf. Aint it the same, Mel is a much better choice due to side factors like friends, supports, finance(it's cheaper).

Why things just cant go straight with her. Also remind yourself that this isn't the first time in conflict of interest and it I did happen to Trinity vs Taylors. Go figure. That is good enough reason how clounded her judgement is.

Confused, anger, upset.

Well it all started this way, I cant go into the standard foundation program's at colleges. Only extended programs.*Those programs are depending on academic results. Average results can go into stadard which takes 40 weeks, poorer students can only go into the extended which is longer and better students can go into the accelerated which takes less time to complete. Simple? Not so, life isn't so. I want to go to Melbourne to study and the first choice is Trinity. Trinity college of Melbourne University rejected me and they don't have extended program. So next choice at Melbourne is Taylors. They do give extended but no one takes it of the friends that I've got(they all have better results, pfft) and to make matters worse, it starts late and ends 19 week more! 3 months after they do. I don't want that at all it disrupts everything if I can be with on the standard program. That is going to be go through the whole 5 years... So what do I do now?

I have another choice that is to go to Sydney....Alone. Why in the world should I go though that cruel and heartless strange of being alone with the horrid feeling? It might be worth it as I will take UNSW's extended which starts 19th January and then joins up with the standard program in march so I ends up my foundation at march 2006, the same as taylors. As their foundation certificates are accepted and accredited throughout Australia, I can go back to Melbourne and enjoy the rest of my 4 years in happiness. Sounds easy? Yes it is but why do I still feel bad? Not as easy when actions is taken is it?

I am going to go through a phrase of loneliness, isolation for a few days to a few weeks. And that is the part that scares me, the feeling is horrid if you really really encountered it before. Yes you have acquaintances but what of the real connections of a real friend at hand? Takes time and what to do? Nothing you can do except to make best of the situation as in trying to butter up the connection but even then it isn't instant. Rome wasn't built in a day and so is not relationships.

But what if I stayed? Yes I wont have to go through that but I will always be slower for 3 months on end.....Do I want that? And the isolation itself in class is also part of it. Although not so bad but not what I want. I want to continue with my current friends for sentimental reasons.

Nothing is easy eh? Well there is another way that could work I could ask for a new forecast result but would the teacher give it? I've always been a lazy asshat at class for numerous reasons and I have to gone through the principal again...Definitely the hardest part. I could beg for it but strangely that is not what I expected here in my heart. Maybe it is the part of me who don't like to turn back. Pride? Habit? A bit of both.

But what caused this in the first place some may ask and that is the source of the sadness and upset. No one told me how their marks are counted and they dint include BM, EST and PM. Great....Subjects that I've concentrated in, what luck that I threw away my concentration in Biology and Chemistry. Bad choice as they take those instead.

This all could have been avoided if I knew and concentrated on chemistry instead or just that I beg for better marks :P in the forecast.

Oh well what's done is done...what to do? Ive probably suck it up and go to Sdyney, a few month's pain will be worth than the 5 years at Monash it but what do you think???

bleh, more proscratination. Oh well, im in my spm and i guess i could make a quote of the day post. Oh well. Lets start, "with only understanding come acceptance." Albus Dumbledore.

Ok some may consider that lame but i think JK Rowling did wrote some good lines in her books and this one can reflect life upon very closely. But what do you think?

Hei, Seen this on techtv and guess have it a try!